Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Kris vs. Snail (Cosmo Says You're Fat remix)

This is in reply to a stream-of-consciousness blog on a friend's site.  Since I don't know the original questions, I'll mimic as best I can.  It's imitation, but I'm not sure it's flattering.

1. Coca-Cola is the best soft drink, and for some reason tastes best out of a fountain machine (like at a McDonald's or a gas station).

2. I read when I can, but I get bored easily doing it.

3. I read whatever my friends tell me to read, provided I trust their opinions on such things.

4. I have no single favorite food, witnessed by my girth.

5. Cheese can make anything taste better.  My homemade pork dry rub is second.

6. Being from the midwest, we prefer the tangy zip of Miracle Whip, but I appreciate mayonnaise.

7. Professional wrestling is fun.  It's genetic for me - my grandfather watched it, my mom and aunts watched it, my friends and I watched it.  Yes it's fake and numbingly ignorant.  However, it's a great distraction for a few hours and some of the athletes are smoking hot.

8. I love seafood and can't cook it worth a damn.

9. I've trained myself to be a morning person, mostly because I don't sleep well at night.

10. I love music in almost all forms.  Even the stuff I 'hate' I can usually appreciate.

11. I have so much time in my life that commercials don't bother me.

12. That said, I work on my computer a lot while watching TV.

13. I can eat a grapefruit like an orange.

14. I used to love comic books.  Real comic books mind you, not the 'graphic novels' and mangas of today.

15. I'm an Aquarius, so if your radiator overheats, I'll apparently bring you water.

16. My favorite fruit is a tie between a Calhoun peach and a golden delicious apple from Doc Stone's orchard.

17. Having the peaches all the time spoils me; I won't get the apple since I can't go home when they are being harvested.

18. I have always wanted a job in science, though I have a burning desire to be a chef.

19. I watch TV and movies to escape, not sort through them for issues.

20. No really.  It has to be a huge leap of faith for me to even notice.

21. I love to be touched, in romantic, perverted, and otherwise platonic ways.  I was raised in a very tactile environment and family.

22. I'm reading The Avatar right now.

23. I learned to play chess in grade school and suck at it.

24. My favorite game is Scrabble.  I use word finder sites when playing on-line shamelessly, but it builds my vocabulary.

25. I normally sleep on my stomach.

26. I love Christmas.

27. I'm apathetic about birthdays.

28. I was voted most likely to succeed in grade school.

29. I have held a gun twice in my life: my father's pellet gun; and my friend's pistol from her glove box.

30. I can find good in most people.

31. Those I can't can feel safe, see #29.

32. I'm right handed.

33. My dad's dad was ambidextrous.

34. My handwriting is excellent, and has gotten better over time.

35. My favorite cake is yellow marble cake with chocolate frosting.

36. I like some dogs.

37. I love cats.

38. My favorite color is blue.

39. But I don't know why nor really think about it.

40. Comics, like other forms of entertainment, are meant to entertain.  Hence, I don't think about them.

41. The Superfriends' Batman was weak.  The live-action Batman of my youth was delightful.  Michael Keaton was good, Val was ok, Clooney was eh, and I haven't done the dark knight thing yet.

42. Most comedic things aren't really funny.

43. I drink a lot of water.

44. Iced water is nice too.

45. I like Starbucks because I like strong coffee, not that it matters because I only drink decaf.

46. I like a balance between alone time and with people time.

47. I was never in a school band.

48. So I don't have any "last summer in band camp stories."

49. Which makes me unique among my faggle (noun: a gay cohort).

50. I love onion rings.

51. My boss's son in high school killed himself.  That's the only person I knew personally to commit suicide.

52. I learn best by doing.

53. Reality TV is crap, and I want to know why I'm not getting paid for someone to follow me with a camera watching me do uninteresting things.

54. Most blogs irritate me.

55. My favorite ice cream is Kopp's Custard on 27th Street in Milwaukee.

56. I was called for jury duty once.

57. I had to get an Alabama drivers license then drive to Wisconsin to prove I didn't live there to get out of it.

58. I'm as punctual as I can be.

59. I can't stand other people making me late.

60. I've never wanted a sibling.

61. If I had one, it would have been a brother.

62. We never had a foreign exchange student live with us.

63. So this slot is not applicable.

64. I use Dial soap and Suave shampoo.

65. Because I don't see the point in using more than that when they leave me clean and I don't smell bad.

66. I love M&M's.

67. I broke my leg in junior high school.

68. I'm 20/LP without my glasses on.

69. X-ray vision would be cool but only if you could control depth of field and focus.

70. Brushing my teeth the penultimate part of my morning routine.

71. I want to learn to SCUBA dive.

72. I have no interest in being an airplane pilot.

73. I want to win the lottery.  Big money.

74. I'm glad I'm an American.

75. I've never smoked crack.

76. I was never on a student council or government body.

77. Some of my dreams have come literally true.

78. Until I met Zoloft.

79. I judge people that can't spell and/or use poor grammar.

80. I intimidate students, and my friends think I'm a trouble maker.

81. I really have a heart of gold, just good luck getting to it by yourself.

82. I need personal space, but don't mind if select people invade it.

83. I've never used drugs of any kind, save for ones prescribed for me, and even then I only take them as directed.

84. I'm afraid I'd like them.

85. I got my first passport when I was a junior in high school.  It's long expired.

86. I like to learn, and didn't mind school too much.

87. I like museums, thought art museums are probably my least favorite.

88. Bookstores bore me to death.

89. I have been to my local library once since moving here.

90. I do crossword puzzles in ink and finish them.

91. I chew gum in other people's cars.

92. Toilet paper should roll from the top.

93. I have no piercings or tattoos but secretly want both.

94. I have never seen every episode of any TV show.  I think I'm close with Law and Order.

95. I like candy.

96. I never feel my age - my body is much older than my mind.

97. I can't read in a car.

98. My favorite 100 Acre Wood character is Pooh.

99. I love broccoli.

100. I hope my life inspires others, or at least has a positive lasting effect.

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