Cover your mouth, you're getting sparkles on me.

I am truly thrilled that gay/lesbian/bi/trans/whatever teenagers are able to express their true selves now more than ever.  Whether it be due to real acceptance or just desensitization, these people can transition into adulthood with a sense of self-realization that we elderly (at 35 I'm near gay death) could only dream of having had.  But with this new awareness comes responsibility, and far too few of them are taking it.

My case study for this point is an incoming freshman we'll call Chuck*.  He is tall, good-looking, with dark hair and a nice smile.  He also swishes, head bobs, holds his wrist in that seemingly uncomfortable bend, lisps, wears all the right clothes, and has a gaggle of girls around him at all times.  Spend 30 seconds with him and even the least sensitive gaydar pegs itself on "uber."  He's here, he's queer, and he's fabulous.

I met him last year as part of a high school science outreach program we do.  He returned this year as a mentor, and will attend the university in the fall.  The students love him and the faculty find him endearing.  He is a great face for our program and what we try to do.

Now, I am computer savvy, and I use Facebook to keep up with friends, colleagues, and my students.  Last year Chuck and a bunch of other high school participants added me to their networks, and I occasionally see what's going on with whom.  So, when I found out Chuck was coming back, I checked his Facebook page and read more about him.

Chuck and his group rotated through to my project in the outreach program, and as the students were working, I overheard Chuck and them discussing dancing.  Someone asked if Chuck could dance.  I replied that he could dance very well.  This was based on two pieces of evidence: 1. that Facebook has videos of Chuck dancing posted on it, and he can move; and 2. boys like Chuck can dance, they just can.  Chuck looked puzzled and asked how I knew.  Kiddingly I replied that as faculty we knew everything about everyone, that it was part of our job.  Chuck got pale, and then got paranoid.  "What do you know about me?  Have you seen me out?  What have you seen?  You know EVERYTHING about me?"  I assured him I was just teasing and he slowly calmed down.

Now here is where the responsibility part kicks in.  One look at Chuck's Facebook page screams 'I am a homosexual.'  Rainbow buttons, openly gay students in his friends list, cliche gay phrases.  Watching Chuck in action screams 'I am a homosexual.'  If Spinal Tap made a gayometer, Chuck would be 11.  Again, I have no problem with any of this.  Good for him.

But I apparently pulled back the curtain on the big gay Oz.  I made his faggotry real because someone outside of his comfort zone KNEW.  And in that realization that his public secret was known, his world spun out of control.  Chuck wants to be a billboard for being gay, but when someone points it out to him, he freaks out.

Hence the need for responsibility.  Be who you are.  Be proud of what you've done, and how you live your life.  Keep your head up.  Rah rah.  But, be willing to maintain your stance when someone asks you about it, or if you are put on the spot.  If you are going to advertise, make sure the product is ready.

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*It could just as easily been Bruce or Dwayne.